She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
