Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize
