I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
