you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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