I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
