I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
