I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
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