Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
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