That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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