Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
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