come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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