i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
