I hate your face
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
