The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
