I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Randomize
