John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
