my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
