What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
