i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
