Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
He told me they were just razor bumps!
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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