how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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