During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
