My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
