youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
