So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
