He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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