Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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