Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
