I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
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