So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
