She went from zero to smokin in five shots
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
