why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
