Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
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