My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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