Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
