my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Randomize
