Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
