i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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