had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
