If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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