I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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