I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
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