you have to choose: penises or morals?
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
