Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
