I faked an abortion last night.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
