i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
