im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
