I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Can I color on your dick again?
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
