if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
