Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
