before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
