I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
