So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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