it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
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