I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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