then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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