She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
