you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
